A couple of weeks ago, Thomas and I met with our wedding officiant (Reverend Greg Ward from UUMAN) so he could get to know us better. We talked mostly about our backgrounds and what shaped us into who we are today. It was interesting to listen to Thomas tell his story of growing up - no surprises, but it was interesting to see which items he emphasized. I was able to learn a bit about myself too.

Greg noticed that Thomas and I communicate differently and reminded us to keep that in mind. He also recommended checking out some Non Violent Communication (more needs and feelings, less blame) books by Marshall Rosenburg, and an upcoming marriage workshop at our church. I think these were just Good-to-Know recommendations, rather than concerns for us.

After lots of negotiation (and begging), Thomas agreed to go to the class with me. The instructor, a local marriage counselor, divided the class into 3 parts. It was based on work by David Schnarch. The first part discussed how spiritual principles - like trust, commitment, and patience - apply to marriage. The second part talked about how to get out of a conflict loop - one person will have to take a leap of faith and the other person will hopefully follow. The final part discussed building the emotional bond during the physical parts of the relationship.

I really enjoyed the workshop and felt like I learned alot. The biggest thing was probably that arguments are normal and experienced by all couples. I was most surprised to see the participants ranged from new couples - us at negative 6 months, to some married longer than we’ve been alive.

We also took our engagement photos last weekend at Stone Mountain. We met our photographer bright and early and it was still cold out. She did a good job of making us smile, but Thomas has convinced me that teeth-smiles are not natural for him. I’m overly conscious and critical about myself in photos, but there were some that turned out okay. Now we’re working on putting together a wedding info site for guests and designing the Save the Dates.